I wish I had a penny every time I wanted to sign up for a gym. And since we are on the topic, maybe a fistful of dollars for each time I actually ended up doing so. Not that it would amount to much as compensation, for studies have proven flab loss having a disproportionate and upfront impact on net worth. So when my office offered a gym, gratis, I knew the neighborhood health club entrepreneur could count on one less absentee benefactor.
My system, meanwhile, works like clock-work. Every few years the auto-defrost kicks in, and every gram must go. At least that is the signal that the looking glass tries to convey, gently. As in, the cup cake shape my torso would have attained, thanks to well, cup cakes. And the going would be ruled by any of the food pyramids available in every conceivable cuisine. Only this time, the portions would reduce to the level of ‘caviar on the side’. The pi•èce de ré•sis•tance, of course, would be the pumping of iron.
As slow starvation leads to melting of the love handles, by some cosmic connection, I begin to notice fine works of print and outdoor adverts. Ahoy, a shapely figure, not a bead of sweat in sight, plodding to nowhere on a treadmill. Mr. Olympia grimaces nearby, veins a-popping, a dumb-bell his only ornament. This, and one visit to the machine shop where all this is made possible; enough to debit salary account by a small fortune.
But this time, it’s Office Gym to the rescue. The only catch would be the location. Stuck as it is at one end of the cafeteria, now it was only a question of stuffing before or after calorie burn. The only visit to that end of the building got me a membership; this time there was nothing else for MasterCard®. Now the proof of my new found lifestyle is the gym ID attached to the office card. As if the extra few ounces swinging from my hip would manage to work on my abs, if not my conscience.
My desk drawers have since been cleared for the much awaited arrival of gym shoes and related paraphernalia. I have even begun turning up early to office so I may swing by the gym late evening. Two weeks now, it’s still swing and miss. I do manage two daily visits to the cafeteria, yet not the last mile to my first gym session.
Next Monday. For sure this time. I guess.
