Sunday, December 21, 2025

The Handyman


I have been here before. This always begins the same.

There is already one line at the factory gate, two if you count the trucks hugging the farther wall. The morning chill has begun to bleach my bones, and the sun is a good hour from making its appearance. A dull yellow light seeps out from inside the security cabin, while around us, the fluorescent on the high mast has blanketed a pale blue mist. Twenty or so of us have found a place ahead of me, just outside visitor entry, stuffed into varying layers of winter wear. Not one making eye contact, or even small talk. Mist huffing from under their hoodies and beanies, hands dug deep into their pockets desperately seeking warmth, some with earmuffs, one wrapped in a blanket, all hunched down. Like one of those jacketed steam pipes that snake around the production area. Today I hitched a ride on a milk delivery van thinking I would be first in line, and yet!

There is a makeshift tea shop down the road, probably open now. But no one dares to step away. The finders-keepers rule applies to your place in the queue. You could fight to retake your place, but then that would be such a fatal mistake. See, the rule well understood and respected is that it’s your place as long as you hold it. You step away, and you have let the next one ahead. No questions. If you insist on retaking a place you had let go, then don’t expect any resistance. No one fights to take, no one fights to hold on. Here even a bit of shouting could send both or even all parties home. As in, no work, no pay, and if the goons manning the gate further deem so, no return either. Maybe that tea shop would employ you. But not before the rest of us find you and let a dozen bare knuckles leave their mark.

We are handymen fighting for scraps the factory supervisors deign to throw our way. A few hours of labor, whatever that might be. If we are all on our best behavior, some of us might get to earn their keep. And if you’re early enough, you give yourself a chance. Remember, not all in line are let in, not all who are let in are allocated jobs, not all who are allocated jobs are paid in full. On occasion, not all who are allocated jobs come out alive. Those unfortunate ones do not even make it to the Factory Safety scoreboard; “days since last accident” is not a metric intended for temps.

The guards at the gate take a special delight in herding us around. I sometimes think that if they had their way, we’d be in shackles with them holding whips. A shabby costume matching the skies outside seems to darken their souls, at least for some of them. Every day they let in a certain number of us, a quick ID check and visitor tag later, we’re off to work. The ones left out are promptly shooed away. There are no arguments. Being in their good graces promises us another day.

Did I hear a creak? The line immediately turns taut, heads up and still, even the puffs of vapor disappear. A shadow moves across the cabin, and the gate swings inwards. The first ones in line shuffle in, as the rest break into a sprint, like cops storming a building. Not once breaking formation. The gate is still open as I hop clear, and then suddenly I hear a loud bark from the PA system. I feel a shudder run through me as the gate is unceremoniously pushed into place, squeezing out the ones who barely missed out. I’m in. I am the last but one to have made it beyond the threshold. The uniforms are already busy swinging their batons at those who clung on a bit longer.

There are a few looks, smiles even. That lasted a moment, and we instinctively fall into formation, all abreast. Formalities begin without any ceremony, Supervisors taking their pick and dispatching with instructions. Lucky if you get Payroll. Paperwork and eight hours, and they pay as promised, and often tip. The factory floor is what we are trained for but then one could even end up with a crew cleaning out toilets. There are indeed worse jobs here no one speaks of. The kind that could put awful maladies in you not long after. These are the stories we seldom talk about, and their central characters are never heard from again.

A guard tails along with each work crew, seeing them off till their workplace. The one ahead of me got the scrap yard, back-breaking work lugging cardboard and plastic, but away from whatever poison this place often spits out. He did not seem to mind at all, bowed, collected his badge and hard hat and began to eagerly hurry off. That is until his minder ordered him to slow down, or else.

My turn. A Supe and two guards walk up. He looks up from his clipboard, and mutters “It is the ETP”.

I try and keep a steady gaze, and nod.

It is supposed to be the Effluent Treatment Plant, but it is common knowledge that very little of said Treatment is ever administered. The job would most likely be to wade in knee-deep sludge and sweep it past the grates into the world beneath. Where even the machines fail, the disposable amongst us are put to it. Somebody once said it was akin to being bathed in vinegar.

This might cost me though I couldn't be sure. I can’t afford to get sick, and this kind of gig could wipe out another week’s worth of wages. But then, they pay in full. Despair is only meant for those who could afford self-preservation.

“You will do it, or should I..?” his voice trailed away.

“Yes, sir. I will, sir”, I sputter.

Any sign of reluctance, and I would be marched out of here. Promptly replaced with one of the souls still lingering outside, nursing their welt marks.

“Don’t come complaining of watery eyes and such. By the way, they are paying full shift”.

“Here, take this”. It’s a cloth mask.

There are also a pair of gumboots a few sizes too large, gloves and assorted floor mops and wipers. I don't see a safety suit. 

I lift up my kit and walk on.

There would be no security detail escorting me. They know better to keep away.

I haven’t been here before. This will not end the same.

 

Saturday, January 11, 2025

The Stages of Loss: A Monologue

So, you would not be coming to dinner? Seriously? Wow. But why? And you text me this, now? And here I am, literally, at the table. The one readied for the candle, the wine, and the basted chicken. Cozy two-seater with checkered tablecloth, at the corner of cooktop and pantry. Almost done. Is it the traffic? Why cancel then, ‘coz I don’t mind the wait.

See, you promised you'd drop by. I am now going ahead with heating up the entrée. I have one of those heat-and-hold thingies; should be just right when you reach. It’s all hands here, and I happen to be the only one. 

You ought to make it. I have been setting this table since the day you accepted.

___

You have not responded to any of my messages. By the way, did I misread your texts? I didn't realize the "Ok, will do" from you last week was polite-speak for a No. Non”, to the you-know-who who took French through High School. 

How about spelling out today’s “cannot make it, sorry” perhaps a day or three earlier? Before all the thyme and the bastard chicken. C'est possible, non? Weren’t you always the “punctuality is respect” sloganeer? Punctuality don’t apply once you decide to bail, huh?

I know I got us here. I own all credit, as you once said. But is it that I do not get to fix anything? Did I break every damned sacred thing we ever had? 

No second acts. No second helpings for petit Olivier?

___

Sorry, forget I ever said that. I did not mean to shout. 

You might have a few things to say to all that. And honestly, I don't have the courage to face them. Apologies. You know me; I try to jest my way out of awkwardness. And bad fights, you might add. 

Well, then how about later tomorrow? Or even later, like next week? You haven't responded to that message either. It would not be the same chicken, I promise. The wine would be long gone too, I am afraid. Yes, I would be mindful not to have it all in one go. 

Or, forget making it an occasion. Let’s not do it at all if you're not in. This is my bad. Let's just meet. Rendezvous à la Jason Bourne. Again, pardon the accent, no offence. Maybe the pop-up Saturday market? Out in the open and don’t bring backup!

___

I'm not complaining. I know what you're thinking. That I should have known better. But I thought I was quite convincing when we spoke last month. When you, let’s say, seemed to initially agree to the meet.

What more could I say to convince you. I mistake politeness for affection, friendship for love, a 'how's your day' for a question and woods for trees. An affliction from childhood, sure to be cured by the end. 

I keep flailing at keeping our friendship, or connection, going. I know it has dropped many a notch below the love we once had. I regularly attend the Program; evidently, some way away from managing my triggers.

Yup. We are not kids anymore. What I might still be imagining in my bubble, quite likely passed away a long while ago.

I indeed misread your text.

___

So, you would not be coming to dinner. This is not good. But that's ok. We could always do it another time. If you are in this part of town, you know whom to hit up. I am always good for a dinner and a show!

Trust me, the spread sure looks yum. I don't mean to brag, but you would have loved it. Well, joke’s on you, it’s all for me now. I may have misjudged the portion sizes though. 

Might have to toss the leftovers, but then we'd have the furry Magi to worry about. You might remember. Rat, wildcat, and my leery Association Secretary. All three are unwelcome on my property, yet they manage to scratch around the bins and snoop into the odd window. 

But only one has opposable thumbs and tapes another notice to my door. 

See, made you laugh. Isn't that what you want in a date?

Adieu.